Clumsy Love
by Tusk Act IV
Summary: "I think this is the first time in history where someone had made only four out of five quintuplets their lovers." So, about two years after our first meeting, all that was left of the Nakano sisters that hadn't confessed was the youngest sister before me.


**I own neither the characters nor the series. The original fic is 不器用な愛 byたこ焼き**

* * *

My love was a stillbirth.

* * *

I remember a story my mother read to me when I was young. It was a fairy tale about a man trapped on a mud boat that eventually sank causing him to drown to his death. While it was just a story, something told to children, I had to wonder what I would do if I was thrown on a mud boat in the middle of a wide ocean?

Do you look away from reality until the mud ship has fully dissolved or do you just give up and jump into the sea? Of course, there is no one in the middle of the ocean and you wouldn't know where to go.

Thinking about it, either choice would still lead to the same fate of drowning.

But, surely, most people would accept to wait for the boat to sink. After all, even if the whole world had disappeared, it still seemed unexpectedly difficult to finish yourself.

So, I will cling to the melting mud and scratch against the algae of the ocean's floor as I submerge to my death. That way, I could immerse myself in a dream of floating lights until the very last second.

* * *

"Oh, what a coincidence"

A girl walked along a familiar pedestrian bridge while bathing in the warm sunlight shining down from the sun that still had yet to climb up to the heavens.

"Right, so it was Ichika today?"

I glanced at her while leaning back on the railing of the pedestrian bridge. The girl smiled for a second before words leaked from her mouth.

"Hmm, maybe you forgot? If so, onee-san will be sad."

She traces an index finger under her eyes, a gesture as if she's crying. Even though I know she's not really sad, I still feel a little bad for the girl before me who demanded comfort.

"I didn't forget."

"Yeah, I know."

A large flower bloomed on her face, a gentle smile that lit up from hearing my words as I placed my palm flatly on top of her head. Such a farce was frustrating to play along with but seeing this actress' smile felt like it made it all worth it.

"How was it? Onee-san's performance?"

"You should be disqualified. I don't think that's one worthy of an actress."

"That's terrible."

She inflated her cheeks like balloons and entangled her arm and body around my own. As I'm already used to such selfish actions, I don't get too flustered by the refreshing citrus scent that tickles my sense of smell nor the rich softness I feel on my arms. Her face reminds me of a puffer fish and I can't help but recall how the other sisters make use of this face too.

"Fuutarou-kun, I wonder why you're staring at Onee-san's face so much? Could there be something on it?"

"You have eyes, nose, and mouth."

"That's wrong. I tried wearing glasses so I wanted you to praise me."

Speaking of which, it was true that she had on glasses, thin red frames that accentuated her pale face. A familiar feeling washed through me as I saw her face through the lens. It felt nostalgic.

"Do you need glasses?"

"Well, my vision isn't that bad but it might not be good for others to see me with you."

"I see..."

I thought it was just style or something but she actually gave a reason I could understand. Although, would glasses really be enough to disguise a person from people recognizing you?

"...I thought I said I wanted you to praise me."

"Oh, well, you look good in them. I don't really have a sense of style so I wouldn't know."

She tilted her head, a hand holding her chin, at my compliment. After thinking for a few seconds, she suddenly pointed an index finger in front of me.

"Maybe, my real identity is Itsuki because she always wears glasses when studying."

"...maybe."

I don't confirm or deny her her question. If I got that wrong, I'd be disqualified as their tutor! I didn't know what to say.

No, I just needed to say something.

"...And this is for Fuutarou-kun."

That's when she offered a cup of coffee.

"No, I can't drink coffee because it's bitter"

Saying that, I gently pushed the steaming container way. She didn't put any resistance, accepting the cup back, her eyes falling to the floor.

"Well, it should be delicious."

"Actually..."

"Hm?"

"If it's okay...

I swallowed before finally spitting out the words I wanted to say after seeing her face.

"...can I have a sip?"

In order to not show the loneliness I felt when seeing her dejected look, I said something I usually wouldn't. Whether she knew of my reasons or not, she still responded happily.

"Yes! It's fine!"

This time, I received the container from her. Even if it's already a little cold, I put my mouth to the edge of the container which still was a little warm. Slowly, I tilted it up to let the coffee flow into my mouth...well, this was more than just black. Ichika found such drinks delicious, after all.

It was seriously bitter. How did her heart endure this?

"Bitter."

I returned to the container, eyeing her suspiciously, as she continued to hold onto my arm.

"That's a lie, it's not that bitter."

To prove me wrong, she put the cup back to her mouth and took a sip herself.

"That's not true. It's not that bitter."

When she received the container and disagreed with my case, she put the container in her mouth and sip a cup of coffee.

"See. After all, I was able to taste a sweet indirect kiss with Fuutarou-kun."

"What are you talking about?"

My head could never imagine such a runabout reply. Speaking of which, they were all rare kinds of idiots.

"If Fuutarou-kun shared an indirect kiss with me, then it is definitely sweet!"

"That 's not ..."

Yet she stuck to such an answer for an already outrageous equations. Why does an indirect kiss change the sweetness of a drink?

"Your opinion is too broken. To make sure who is right, we need to check directly."

That's when she lifted her face and brought herself closer. And, as the two of us approached one another, eventually our lips overlapped, rubbed against each other, and separated.

"...Maybe it is bitter."

"That's because I drank coffee."

The trial that began with her appeal eventually settled into a reversal. What she had been aiming for turned into a dead ball although whether she regretted those things was different altogether.

"Fuutarou-kun, your ears are red.

Her modest form of revenge hit me dead center. What a dangerous pitch. I had to leave due to an injury. The game can't continue when both sides leave after all. We've kissed many times but I'm still not used to it. Yes, just like the bitter taste of coffee. Ichika was always unfair in a sense.

"I'm happy that Onee-san made Fuutarou-kun so red."

"Don't joke."

I felt slightly angry from her teasing. I'm an adult after all.

"No, I'm glad because that means Fuutarou-kun loves me.

Ignoring my scathing words, she continued to talk with joy.

"Fuutarou-kun, do you love me?"

"Don't you already know?"

"But I still want to hear it from my lover's mouth. 'Hai, I like Nakano Ichika. I want you' "

"..."

"I'll kiss you if you say it. Won't you be happy if you're kissed by an actress?"

"No way."

Was an actress' kiss something they offered on TV as a reward? Well, I don't have time for TV anyways.

"How terrible...then, how about a kiss from your lover?"

"...hah, just this once."

A naughty smile crept onto her face. Such an ugly smile was also Ichika's charm point though I'm sure no one else would work but me. Oops, that may have been a bit too self-confident.

"Come here..."

By the time we finished, I wasn't sure whether the coffee had been bitter or sweet.

* * *

"How was the daily Nakano set meal?"

"Don't call it that."

My mouth twitches at the sarcastic tone of Itsuki's words but disappointingly enough, her words were somewhat correct.

"I think this is the first time in history where someone had made only four out of five quintuplets their lovers."

"Because there were no such thing as having all quintuplets as their lovers in the first place...no, there may have been."

Quintuplets were rare. The fact that I had somehow because a tutor of such quintuplets was still fresh in my memory. My high school life after meeting those girls was dizzying.

I was confessed to by the eldest daughter who was a popular actress.

I was confessed to by the second daughter who I thought always hated me.

I was confessed to by the third daughter who was not confident but still loved me.

I was confessed to by the fourth daughter who had been hiding as a girl from my memories.

So, about two years our first meeting, all that was left of the Nakano sisters that hadn't confessed was the youngest sister before me.

"Better yet, when will they be adding Itsuki to the menu?"

"Those words...you're really the lowest, aren't you? I have no plans to be in a relationship with you."

"...It was just a joke."

Well, things between men and women were really like this. Although, I've only had five female samples in my database that had the same appearance, I still couldn't make a decision.

In the first place, after graduation, I really should have chosen properly. I was going to do that and that was also what they all wanted. But until I graduated, a lot of things happened and I was weak thus leading us to the current situation. Even thought Itsuki had complained about it, eventually she was convinced that about the current situation where her sisters were my lovers.

No, maybe not convinced, but just accepted it.

"Today, should be Nino's day. Sorry."

"Because you're already at the house, you don't need to leave."

Itsuki got up and made her way to the door. I could practically see onomatopoeia of rage radiating from her back before she finally left the room, leaving me alone.

I have no choice but to continue rowing this mudboat.

Until, someday, I eventually drowned.

* * *

"I'm sorry for keeping you waiting, Fuu-kun"

She came out of the room, hugging me and rubbing her face on my chest. This was usual so I wasn't flustered by the sweetness of her scent or the softness I felt on my belly...Even so, isn't this a bit too much?

"You're not done yet?"

"If I don't leave my scent on Fuu-kun, Your current one would be easily overwritten by another woman."

"That other woman is you."

As always, these Nakano sisters are absolutely stupid.

"That should be enough."

She finally lifted her head from my chest and let go of me. A gap of wind blew across the warmth I had been feeling a moment ago...I felt a little disappointed.

"Really, what is this?"

"It's fine that we smell like each other."

Nino's brain really was set on love.

"I don't like that dissatisfied look."

"What's with that look of confidence?"

"Well, it was comfortable for Fuu-kun, right?"

"I-it was soft."

"That's a yes."

I regret that I couldn't deny such things but I didn't feel like I'd win even I argued. Silence is money, it's truly gold. Yes, blonde.

"I 'm going to make sweets today."

She turned with her hands behind her, and declared her plans, leaning forward.

"Then I'll just sit here and not get in your way.

With that said, I turned my back to her and to sit on the sofa however, before I could make my way there, my left sleeve was pinched between her thumb and forefinger. I pulled her lightly but the small resistance was enough to make my body forcibly stop.

"No way. Fuu-kun isn't going to make it together with me?"

"I don't think so. "

Yes, I had a part-time job with Nino at a cake shop. However, my skill in making sweets is probably only half a serving as hers. At most, I could make decent imitations but the taste would be awful in the end. So, this time, I thought such an answer was the mature thing to do but it seemed to be incorrect.

"Shut it. Today, Fuu-kun is my lover! You're going out with me, am I wrong?"

"Well, you're not wrong."

"Okay."

I didn't feel like I had fallen into a trap but just simply overwhelmed by her momentum. Well, that was the correct answer for all lovers in the world. I sympathize with the men out there who had strong women as their lovers. Then again, for me, it wasn't just one as there were three more out there.

"I know you want to make it together, but what will we make?"

I spoke to her as she checked the refrigerator to prepare the ingredients.

"I'm going to make a cream puff. You like cream puffs, don't you, Fuu-kun?"

She responded with a quick look into the open refrigerator door. No, wasn't it Kintarou who answered he liked cream puffs before? I repeated the words in my head as I recalled the past.

"I like it. I love it."

When she heard my answer, she hid her face in the refrigerator. Seeing her do such a thing, took my mind off things.

"Hey, then, do you like Nakano Nino?"

A straight fastball was released from her to my heart.

"... Maybe you don't like me?"

Apparently, this time I can't say that silence was money. Damn, my face was hot. Was this really okay?

"Just this once..."

I didn't really feel it was fitting but I still responded to her, my face hot with "Yes, of course, because we're lovers." I felt shy when I said that but when she didn't reply I looked over to see that, peeking out of the refrigerator door, her ears were also blushing red.

After finishing such a sweet banquet, cream puff production began. As for the division of roles, she was in charge of the pastry itself while I worked the fruit and cream. Cutting and mixing was in my area of responsibility which i thought was going smoothly. I glanced over to my partner but she was working hard as well. Just when I thought there would be no problem with the amount

"Uso..."

Her confused voice was heard along with the sound of the electronic oven.

"What happened?"

When I looked over to her side and into the oven, a dark steam was leaking from it.

"...did you forget to spray?"

"I can't believe I made such a simple mistake like this."

"No, you did it once before, the same mistake."

I replied to her who was staring at the oven with an incredulous face.

"I wonder if it was...I don't remember."

For a few seconds, her eyebrows scrunched together but soon words came from her once more.

"Okay, let's do it again.

It was one of Nino's charm points that she could forget the past and just throw into whatever she was doing. I thought so as I stared at her profile who started making the dough once more.

"We were able to do it!"

Cream puffs spread across the table. Colorful fruit on fresh cream was sandwiched between sugary dough. It was a sight that would overjoy any girl.

"That's because I'm with Fuu-kun so I think I made too much."

"Two people can't eat this much.

It was an amount that couldn't be done by two people no matter how hard they tried.

"Then let's have the other sisters help out."

"Ah..."

"Itsuki would eat all of this with great pleasure but I'm sure her post-meal yoga would be difficult."

"...I'll wrap some up then souvenirs."

"Well, I'm sure Raiha will be happy."

Even though it felt like we were exchanging words, the conversation didn't feel like we were bouncing off each other. In order to wipe away the uncomfortable feeling, I reached out and shoved a cream puff into my mouth.

"Sweet."

That was my first impression. I didn't feel a sense of disgust. My palette was hopeless due to its poor taste. As such a time, how would a certain famous blog writer come up with words of praise for this?

I'm sure Nino knew the quality of food best.

She stared up to my face, thinking hard.

"There's cream."

Hearing her, I wiped my face with my hand. After wiping it two to three times, I turned my face to her to confirm if it was gone.

"It 's still there. It can't be helped."

As she said that, her face approached mine and a soft object touched my lips, hot flesh crawling from my mouth.

As she said, the moment I bent my knees and bent, my face was approaching in front of me, a soft object touched my lips, and hot flesh crawled in my mouth.

"… Well, that was a feast. It was delicious, right, Fuu-kun?"

A fascinating smile etched on her slightly flushed face. Suddenly, my impression of cream puffs changed as I stared into the eyes of this beautiful woman before me, other various words came to mind however only a certain set of words made it out.

"It's too sweet"

... It was not much different from my impression of the cream puff.

* * *

While feeling a little chilly, I held an Olympic bouquet as I walked, shouldering the harsh wind. This was the only place where I brought flowers. Yes, today was the monthly date of their mother. When I was in high school, I had learned that Itsuki went visiting her grave every month and somehow I also took up this monthly routine.

In the meantime, when I arrived at the cemetery and headed for the grave, I already knew Itsuki would be there.

"So you came."

"You know I go here every month."

Somehow, it felt pitiful to meet a girl at this sort of place every month.

"And that's why I'm here."

"That's..."

"Oops, I'm leaving soon."

"...That's right."

I obstructed any words Itsuki would say and placed the flowers on the tombstone engraved "Nakano Tomb" before me. It took about thirty seconds to greet the dead sleeping in the grave with my heart as I did the prayer work too.

"I'm going home, but what are you going to do?"

"I'm not doing anything special."

After conversing a bit while walking back, we eventually made it to an intersection of the road. I turned to Itsuki who I then noticed still had flowers in her hand.

"You're not going to offer those?"

For a moment, hearing my words, she glanced down at the flowers in her hand.

"It's fine because I'll use it later."

I wondered what she meant but didn't want to continue to pursue further. There was something she must have not wanted anyone to know plus we weren't lovers anyways. Yes, there's no obligation for us to share everything.

"It's quite late, aren't you hungry?"

While I thought about something that wasn't my concern, the Itsuki before me turned to the usual one.

Really, I have no idea if I was correct or not.

* * *

"Oh, you finally came. Good morning, Fuutarou."

By the way, I was not late. I had been contacted in advance that I needed to come past ten o'clock so I just did what I was told.

"Because it's the first time in four days I was able to meet Fuutarou."

Since there was no personal duty for visiting the grave for them, this was the first time in four days we were able to meet.

"I had an extra day so I need to replenish as much as Fuutarou as I can."

Having said that, she brought her body to my chest in her usual pose of her hands close to her own. I can't express it well but the natural sweet smell that drifted from her body softly entered my nose. Contrary to the girl relaxing comfortably on my chest, I tried to not be conscious of the two softness that were sandwiched between her arms. Well, I'm already used to this a little.

"Isn't the replenishment done yet? Also, what exactly is being replenished anyways?"

"Not yet."

"Isn't the replenishment done yet? It 's just replenishment in the first place."  
"Not yet.

I'm sorry but I had no idea. The conversation couldn't continue because I didn't understand the meaning plus we were in a state of her holding on to me, so it was only a matter of time before something happened.

"Ah, I'm happy..."

Apparently, it was correct. A soft but firm shape that was different from my own body made me tense up as it pressed against me

"I want to do more."

"Is it okay?"

"Yeah, because we're like lovers."

"Then it's fine."

"Yes, it's fine."

It may be more appropriate to express a girl's delicateness, ugliness, etc. when you wrap your arms around her. Gradually, I put more power into our hug, hugging as tightly as one dared to hug glass.

"Fuutarou."

"Does it hurt?"

She seemed happy, her face peeking out between our arms, though there was a hint of impatience.

"I'm happy. Fuutarou is saying that he likes Nakano Miku. I'm glad because I like Fuutarou too."

Her heartfelt appeal only added power into my arms. This may be the very essence of embracing a person you liked.

"Ah, me too …"

She put a lot of power into her own arms for a while but she remained happy until she finally unwrapped herself from our embrace.

"It's already lunch, what do you want for lunch?"

When I looked at my watch, the needles were stuck at the top.

"Fuutarou, just sit down. Today, I prepared lunch."

"Is it okay?"

"Rude. I'm growing every day."

She protested with bulging cheeks. That's right, it was true that Miku had the most growth among my students. She had decided to got on a culinary path. She was shy at first but because confident in the end. I think it turned out well for her though I can't speak for Miku herself.

"By the way. what's the menu?"

"Croissant, ham, salad, and croquette."

...That should be fine, right?

A few minutes later, a burning smell had already entered my nose. Soon, lined up in front of me was fresh bread, ham, salad, and croquettes on a plate. And the same thing was lined up next to it. Apparently, we were having the same thing.

"I made it myself."

She said as she took a seat next to me.

"Oh, it looks delicious."

"Good. Now for the taste."

"That 's right."

While she looked on expectantly, I tore the croquette into bite sized pieces with my chopsticks. Steam rose from their insides which appealed to my appetite I put the bite-sized pieces into my mouth, chewing creating a crisp sound.

"How is it?"

"I have a poor palette so I'll just eat anything given to me."

"I see..."

I ignored how the girl's shoulder's sagged down as i continued.

"But I know it tastes better than before."

"Eh...?"

I grabbed the bread and took a large bite from it.

"The bread is delicious...you did your best."

"Hai...Hai..."

The girl sitting next to me covered her face with both hands but couldn't hide the tears she was shedding. Noticing it, I silently nudged her head and laid it on my shoulder. I knew that when a girl cried, a man needed to be silent and comforting.

Soon, I was laying on the floor after lunch. It felt like deja vu.

This was the result of having eaten a lot without taking into consideration the capacity of one's stomach.

"Sorry, Fuutarou."

"Don't worry."

She knelt next to me. I didn't really care about it, so even if she felt sorry, this wasn't a problem.

"I'll look for medicine."

Shortly after, she left and then reappeared with a medicine box, a plastic bottle of water, and a familiar beverage can.

"Fuutarou, here."

"Oh, I forgot about that."

It was a can labelled matcha soda. Miku loved Sengoku references but she could also be oddly serious about things. I had happened to see it in a vending machine, forgotten that I had bought it, and had kept it in the refrigerator

"You can drink it. Of course, not with a runny nose."

"Ah...how foolish, you're really saying something strange."

It was certainly not the time to joke around. I changed the topic and sat up to receive the box of medicine.

"Oh, it's that super bitter one."

The package was familiar. It was surely good medicine that worked well but it was something extremely bitter.

"If it's bitter...can I see for a moment?"

That's when she took the medicine from me, took out its contents, put it into her mouth with water...what was she doing?

It was when i was wondering that she approached my as such and overlapped our lips, the powdered water pouring into my mouth. I swallowed the medicine that was practically being poured into my throat. A few seconds later, after all the medicine was gone, her tongue finally exited my mouth.

"Was that bitter?"

"I don't know what the taste was."

"Fufufu, me too."

I took in her warm smile, knowing everything went well, as I laid my upper body down again. She held my hand in her own and continued to hold onto it as she fell asleep. At first, it felt like it'd be hard to fall asleep myself but when i held her warm hands, I felt as sense of nostalgia as my consciousness gradually fell into slumber.

* * *

"How was it? The taste of the bread?"

"Oh, it was delicious."

Itsuki came out of her room and called out to me who had been preparing to go home in the living room.

"But I also don't eat much so it was an amount that was a bit too much for me."

"Then, I'll finish the rest later."

It was something that Itsuki responded to quietly so our conversation ended there. She sat away from me, only the small sounds of food being chewed shared the room between us.

"...I don't think it tastes better than what you had eaten last time."

"Well, it's a bit cold now which may be a problem."

"No. This bread was made with love."

"..."

Her unexpected words involuntarily stifled me. Without noticing my predicament, Itsuki continued.

"You know...that bread has love for you in it. She practiced many times to bake that bread and had prepared it carefully early in the morning."

"I know that..."

"No, you don't know anything."

I sharply inhale from her stabbing words. I turned to Itsuki, her eyes looking almost pleading.

"...I'm going home with the remaining bread."

"...I see."

Itsuki looked as if she just ignored my words altogether.

"I'll get it ready for you to take home then."

Saying so, Itsuki headed back to the kitchen

As I watched her retreating back, I asked a question with no particular meaning.

"Hey, what would you put into the bread?"

It was an unknown question. If I asked such a question, would she even reply?

"If it's bread for Uesugi-kun...yes, definitely poison."

"Okay, that's bad. Nino alone would have served that."

Probably because of such a strange question, Itsuki's answer was literally poisoned. No, it may have been a kind answer for such an unclear question in the first place.

"...that's a lie. It's really..."

"...what?"

I knew Itsuki had said something but I couldn't hear what it was.

"Nothing."

"That's not what you said."

I didn't want to give up on pursuing her remarks. After all, this girl was stubborn...

"Shut up. I've already answered Uesugi-kun's question properly."

...so I'd always end up getting her angry at times like this. I received the bread that was handed over by an angry and irate Itsuki made my way to the entrance. Itsuki walked behind me. Apparently, she wanted to see me off. Was this just some sort of ritual or was this idiot serious?

"Tomorrow is Yotsuba's day so you'll spend time outside. You'll meet up at the entrance."

Nodding, I received the message from Itsuki and quietly closed the door of the Nakano family without looking back.

* * *

"Good morning, Uesugi-san!"

Even though the days were getting colder and colder, sparrows continued to roost by the roadside trees and a big ribbon swayed in front of my vigorously. It may be that the excessive motions of this person was what kept her body warm. Yotsuba was too energetic for her own good.

"Yo."

"What's wrong, Uesugi-san? Are you not feeling well...maybe you're sick!"

"No, just cold."

I stopped her before she drove into a grand misunderstanding. I didn't feel like I'd be that energetic this season. Well, I'm not the the same in summer because of the heat.

"If you're cold then...uh..."

"What's wrong?"

"Don't move, um..."

As she said that, she came close and hugged me tightly.

"...what are you doing?"

"You told me you were cold so I'm fixing that by warming you up. Well...does it feel better?"

"Huh, it's not bad. You're definitely warm."

"That's great! Then I could put up with the embarrassment!"

"Really?"

"...no. I can't."

As she said that, she buried her bright red face into my chest. By the way, such things didn't frazzle me at all. She probably just bathed too. The healthy scent of soap and shampoo reached my nose, in addition, to my consciousness trying to remind me of the soft bulges that self-asserted themselves even over our thick coats.

"How is it, Uesugi-san?"

"Yeah, it's warm."

"...Well, can I a reward from Uesugi-san?

"Do you want something? Nothing expensive..."

"It's okay. It doesn't cost money and you can do it here."

"I don't know what you're talking about."

Her face showed a little embarrassment on her face before answering.

"A kiss..."

"Fuu...kukukuku..."

"Ah! You're thinking I'm stupid."

Involuntary laughter leaked from my mouth from the unexpected cute appeal. Yotsuba did have a knack for making me laugh.

"It was very stupid of me. Never-"

I pushed my face closer to her own and brushed her lips.

"...We're lovers so I don't need to have a reason.

Even if it was just a kiss...why am i getting embarrassed about it?

"Um, Uesugi-san."

"What is it?"

She looked up at me who just wanted to escape from the shame.

"I'm still not satisfied."

Apparently, she was still in my arms.

"It's nice that we can be lovers."

As if warming each other up, our faces came close, the sighs from our lips as they touched turning white from the cold temperature. We embraced and entangled ourselves in one another.

That was until I remembered we were still at the apartment's entrance.

"So, where are we going today?"

At last, when our heat fell from our heads a bit, we started thinking about the schedule once more. Now I'm really glad no one happened to pass by. Even as i tried to catch my breath, she didn't respond. Rather, with how her eyebrows scrunched together, it seemed she was thinking hard.

"No, actually, i didn't think of anything. Ah!"

"...but didn't you suggest that we'd go out today?

Although she had thought about it for a long time, she answered with an empty answer. I pulled at her ribbon, hoping such things would make her think harder.

"But Uesugi-san! I heard that a man escorted a woman during a date! So please decide where you want to go!"

I thought she'd apologize as usual but an unexpectedly thoughtful answer was replied. It's somewhat of a questionable source of knowledge but having an escort made sense. Even if she said that, our agenda was still blank if I looked back on my memories, there was nothing..

"Oh, wouldn't it be good to go there then...that park?"

When i was in high school, I sometimes went to go on the swings after Yotsuba told me they that the swings in the park were her favorite spot. To be honest, I didn't know any popular date spots and didn't know nay other places Yotsuba liked. Fortunately, it seemed the park was fine.

"Let's go."

"Yes."

She held my hand firmly, walking next to me. Her hand was colder than my own, and the moment I grabbed it was a little cool and pleasant. I have heard that people with cold hands are kind so this must definitely be a gentle person. No, i always knew that, right?

And because she was such a person, she muttered things like "I'm looking forward to going to a park. It's been a long time."

I ignored her careless whispers, instead enjoying the feeling of her hand in my own.

When we arrived at the park, we both took the respective seats of the swing next to each other.

"Even when you become a university student, it seems there's still a lot of time before your body becomes an adult."

"I don't want to hear that from someone who wears childish panties and a large ribbon."

"Ah, i don't go for those! That's sexual harassment!"

"Heh, that's something Itsuki would say."

"Muu..."

Sitting on the swing next to me, her cheeks were swollen up and bugling. Yup, this was a complete out.

Weren't we university students, already?

"I understand. Sorry."

"Uesugi-san tends to forget, but I 'm a girl.

Thinking that wasn't the case, I still accepted her answer anyways. In the end, i'd still give it a circle.

"Uesugi-san."

"What is it this time?"

The girl next to me called out my name with a quiet but strong voice instead of her usual vibrant one.

"Uesugi-san and I are lovers."

"At least for now."

I think that I should have just answered that i was her lover. However, the actual answer would have been something that bleeded across impossibly iridescent boundaries that spread over my heart.

"Well then, I'll change the question...Do you like Nakano Yotsuba?"

"...oh, yeah, I like you. It's embarrassing so I won't say anymore."

"That's mean of Uesugi-san...but I'm glad that you said it even once to me."

I know. It's actually a lie that it's embarrassing. Every time I said I liked her, she'd smile, so I don't like saying it because it's hard to watch. In fact, I'd tell that person I liked them as many times as they wanted just for that smile alone.

Well, that wasn't always true.

"For Uesugi-san, can you marry Nakano Yotsuba?'

"That's impossible."

"Is that so? Then what about Miku?"

"That's also impossible."

"Nino?"

"Impossible."

"Ichika?"

"You don't have to say it anymore."

"Then..."

Such a question was meaningless from her was what I thought as I raised my voice. Even if she was hurt, all that mattered was that we could proceed from this topic.

"It's just a joke, Uesugi-san...I'm sorry for saying something strange."

She got off the swing.

...First snow?"

The first snow of the year overflowed from the sky that had already been dark for some time. Once it started falling, I was pretended to be preoccupied with the snow pouring down and turned away from the person looking down on me.

If this white snow would continue unabated, then I thought that it could cover myself, her heart, this groove and everything else in it.

* * *

Around this time, the sighs that leaked from my mouth as I walked whitened in the air. If I were a normal college student, then this would be the sort of weather where I'd spend my time warmly at home. I wanted to do such a thing if I could, but I had a matter to attend to today.

"There's no people because of the cold."

I whispered as I proceeded through the entrance of the cemetery I was long since familiar with. That said, there was still a single person who was here before me today.

"You came today as well."

As expected, my heart started pounding when she showed up in front of me. Wearing a light beige coat and a red knit hat, it seemed like perfectly safe winter apparel.

"Well, you were coming."

Itsuki doesn't reply but got back on her heels to turn her feet to the exit.

"Are you already leaving?"

Yes, it seems that it will be snowing in a moment."

Saying such a thing, the back of Itsuki started to move away. Her back which was completely different from last time thanks to her mid-winter coat still showed the usual flowers held in her hand as before.

"Hah, so she left."

Alone, I offered flowers to the Nakano family tomb.

Yes, to the grave where Itsuki's mother and her four sisters slept.

* * *

After preparing for graduation next month, today was the day we had all promised to go on an early graduation trip with six people. I still needed to answer those four who had confessed to me before graduation but, for now, I could forget such pressures and intended to make the most of my last memory of high school life.

"Wake up, Uesugi-kun."

On that day, I was woken up by Itsuki who came by my house. Until the day before, the alarm clock that woke me up every morning happened to have ran out of battery.

"What are you doing? Ichika and the rest are already ahead."

The sisters seemed to be heading for the destination on the bus first. Only Itsuki knew where my house was so she had been dispatched as my guide. Knowing I was already behind on shcedule, I hurried to leave my home with Itsuki.

However, a few steps from my house, an audible beep interrupted the sound of our footsteps.

"I'm sorry, Uesugi-kun. I have a phone call."

Apologizing, she took out her phone from her bag and answered it.

"Yes? Huh...that's...you're lying..."

It was a call informing us about a bus accident.

I went to their funeral but was turned back at the ceremony itself. According to the story, all the victims of the accident died instantly and their corpses were unrecognizable. I must have been afraid to step into that hall to face their deaths. When I finally entered the ceremony hall, incense sticks were squeezed tightly between joined hand.

I felt like like the world would be gone if they didn't exist anymore. Yet in the world they had disappeared from, the sun continued to rise, the clouds flew above, and I continued to live on as if nothing happened. It was all just pain.

After that day in Kyoto, I had been alone except for my family. It wasn't a particularly painful experience and I could even feel pride in such extraneous things in order to fulfill my vow with a girl I made a promise with. However, I soon joined a tutoring job to help pay back a debt. It was for five ridiculous idiots. My daily life soon started to move so fast that even blinking was unacceptable, turning into something so bright and dazzling it would burn into my eyes. Those days I spent with those stubborn and stupid girls were fun as hell. It changed my mind on how stupid love was and surely would show up if I looked up fulfilling in the dictionary.

Why did I believe that such a fun hell would continue tomorrow, the day after and, beyond?

Why did I not realize that someday it would end and I was just postponing my answer to them?

Why didn't I tell them that I loved them, even though they lover a person like myself?

Rather than just one, there were four idiots who loved me.

The world that lost them should not be different from the world where I used to be but it felt like there was no color or sound and I always felt a sickly wind attach itself to my body that felt a heviness as if I was walking into the sea from the beach. At this moment, I couldn't believe that there were countless happy things in such a world. No, I really couldn't forgive myself

Surely, in trendy dramas or manga, a heroine's death will be remembered. It would serve as a new step that will be taken towards grabbing happiness with another person. But, i didn't think I could reach out to such things anymore. Because it was a miracle that even one person liked me, much less four.

And those four idiots were no longer in this world.

I looked into the lake that I wanted to come with them someday. The place was already dark but my face was still projected on the surface of the lake. Why did they like such a guy with such a frightening face that showed no unsightly affection? There was no other person that would answer me. Then, a very heavy fact of reality finally reached me...

"If I jump in here ..."

Maybe, it'd be better to finish off myself if I it kept me from being thrown into a world where nothing has been lost. I looked up at the night sky and reached out to the quiet full moon. Yet even the reflection of the moon on the lake that swayed slightly did not come to me.

My reflection on the surface rippled.

A moment.

Then...

It seemed, in the end, I was still a coward.

I had no courage to end my world, with only the moon above brightly shining.

* * *

Hearing about the accident, I turned white.

The pain of losing an important person is sometimes compared to the pain when your something in your body breaks. My heart felt like it had been crushed by the same pain I'd feel if four-fifths of my body had been utterly destroyed.

It was even more suffering than when I had lost my mother.

Uesugi-kun didn't show his face at my sisters' funeral. Thinking that he might have distanced himself from us, I thought that I was the only person who knew this pain in this world.

But that night, I learned the truth.

Uesugi-kun was also crying for my sisters.

Like me, there were four holes in his heart, with only sorrow and pain echoing through them.

From behind a cedar tree, I watched the surface of the lake ripple from the ugly tears he shed. My heart screamed for him. The heart that wanted to soak in all the sorrow off his wounded back.

Uesugi-kun, I fell in love with you.

Surely, we will be able to live with this grief, pain, equally sharing it, all the while while tangling ourselves and supporting each other. Siuch a thought filled up the four holes in my heart. That was when I decided to confess to Uesugi-kun.

Yes, just like the older sisters I loved.

"Uesugi-kun..."

So I reached to his back. He turned around slowly, and the reflection in your eyes was inversely proportional to what was reflected in my heart, which was beating so fast it felt like my eardrums would break.

Nakano Ichika

Nakano Nino.

Nakano Miku.

Nakano Yotsuba.

Uesugi-kun, right then, I understood that my sisters were all that was reflected in your eyes. Your eyes won't seem me without first seeing my ssiters.

Uesugi-kun, unlike that day back at the ski resort, you won't be able to find me anymore.

"Did you want something, Ituski?"

"It's nothing..."

At that moment, my love was dead. It was already dead within me without ever being born. Yes, it may have been inevitable from the beginning. Because my sisters had confessed to him fairly, it was unfair that I would be tied to him after I was the only one left.

From then on, I started to act like my sisters in front of him. Even if it was never meant to last, I wanted to show him those days with my sisters again so that he could forget the pain...and just a little but for myself. Uesugi-kun silently went along with my clumsy and empty farce. It was a distorted, ridiculous, way to repair things that were already broken done by two desperate people.

Uesugi-kun, I, whose never been good at disguising, desperately tried to take the place of my sisters. It was painful to hear you say you loved me as Ichika, as Nino, as Miku, as Yotsuba, every day. I'm stupid so I almost find myself mistaking that your feelings were directed at me. It's bad when you give me such a kind-hearted look. That's not for Nakano Itsuki. Don't get me wrong. I love Nakano Ichika, Nakano Nino, Nakano Miku, and Nakano Yotsuba...but, in the end, I wanted you to say it to Nakano Itsuki.

Uesugi-kun, you said that my baked bread was delicious and that the one I baked for you was better than the one Miku made. The tears at that time were the tears of Nakano Itsuki. I'm sorry but I'm sure you could understand that was the result of desperately trying to be my sister. Because Miku also cried tears of joy in Kyoto when she gave you bread that day. I was the same. I love it when the food I made for someone I loved has reached them. I finally understood Miku's feelings at that time. Sorry, for being such a clumsy sister.

Uesugi-kun, I'm sorry for asking you such an unfair question on the swing. It could only be painful answering such an easy to understand question. However, I couldn't help the feelings overflowing from me and couldn't control it from leaking. I'm clumsy so please forgive me Uesugi-kun. If I added Nakano Itsuki to the end of that question, just how wold you answer it? Will you reject me like my older sisters or will it all end up being engulfed and wrapped in smoke, or...No, I know, even if you're kind and mean, you'd never want to hurt me.

Uesugi-kun, I know. You never call my sister's name when I'm in disguise. My heart breaks because you're so mean. My love is now divided into four equal parts but your words will likely make it all collapse. Even if you are the same Uesugi-kun who was especially mean to me since the first time we met. But the kisses I share with you are so warm and kind...yet not for me. How troublesome. If you kiss me over and over again, I'll start to have such lonely expectations, or I will become as gragile as a mudboat that wants to support you who was always hurting alone.

Uesugi-kun, if things were a little different, would there be a future where I called you Fuutarou-kun? Will we reach a time when you could pull away the nails off our back and return to those happy days where we didn't need to hide our wounds from each other like this? There is no such answer for you and I.. But when we touch, my body warms enough to tremble when its close to you. So please forgive this, at least. Uesugi-kun, It's only in these moments when i can allow my heart to call out what it wants to scream.

Fuutarou-kun, I love you.

And so I whispered into my heart as I placed the Rindou flower in my hand on the vase of my desk.

To offer to my love that ended in stillbirth.

* * *

**TN : Rindou is a flower that means "I love the you who is sad", showing a very lonely affection.**

**There are many Itsuki fics out there but I found myself drawn to this one in particular. The premise is a bit schlocky but I appreciate the balls the author has when doing this. **

**It was a bit interesting to do this due to the writing approach needed. It's much easier to ignore in Japanese how Fuutarou never once mentions even in narrative the girl he's with is the sister in question. I'm sure most of you figured it out by Nino but I never once had him refer to the girl as the sister he was supposed to be on a date on. Note, all statements involving their names are informative, just past facts and not actually describing the girl he's with or what she's doing. Yet all the Itsuki sections are riddled with her name.**

* * *

"Basically, the serpent has no meaning. There are times when these kinds of questions are given for classics so remember it."

It was the last winter vacation of our high school and I was explaining a classic problem to Itsuki before she took her university exams. There were four other people in the living room too. Right now, the one that needed the most preparation was Itsuki so it was basically one-on-one.

"It's distracting when there are people not studying when I am!"

Such a declaration was perhaps unavoidable, made in a weak voice and a scrunched up face.

Four people called out to their youngest sister.

"Fuutarou-kun?"

What? Why am I...?

"Fuu-kun, get up!"

No, no...

"Fuutaoru..."

Ah, this is...

"Fuutarou-kun!"

Its a dream.

I woke up, laying down on a bench by the lake. I looked around to see her back by the dock. I rushed to her, gently placing my hand on her shoulder.

"Fufu, Fuutarou-kun. You're oversleeping until your wedding day."

"I'm sorry, I was dreaming of that day."

After exchanging words, she turned to show a pure white wedding dress and stepped onto the boat. I followed suit, making sure not to rock it too much. We silently scattered blue and white carnations all over the surface of the lake as we made our way to the center.

Once there, she stood up and threw her bouquet of white Gerbaras up to an empty surface with nobody waiting to catch it. Of course, the bouquet landed and quietly flowed somewhere else.

"Stand up, Fuutarou-kun."

I took her hand and stood up on the boat. Then, form somewhere, a high-pitched bell began to sound. I could hear the sound of the bell, the same as the bell that rang on the day when we had kissed for the first time.

"I'm glad I was your student."

"I'm glad i was your tutor."

5

"Will you stay with me forever?"

"I'll hold on to you firmly."

4

"Please take responsibility."

"Oh, then let's get married."

3

"I already got what I wanted"

"I'm glad it was me."

2

"Joy, sadness, I'll share with you."

"It's five equal parts, right?"

1

""I swear I'll always love you.""

.

As we exchanged our vows, her face moved close and she pushed me down. We kissed as I looked up into the clear blue sky that was exactly the same as that day. The sound of the bell in my ears gradually changed, muffling lower and lower, until, at least, I couldn't hear anything at all.


End file.
